Connor Temple: God King of the Neanderthals
by iEvenstarEstel
Summary: Poor Connor, first he's coerced into Abby's sex games, then...well, we'll let the Neanderthals explain.


Connor Temple: God-King of the Neanderthals  
2010 Evenstar Estel

"Are you sure other blokes let their girlfriends do this to them?" Connor asked as Abby did one last swish with the nail varnish over his fingers nails, painting them a deep sparkling purple.

"Absolutely. Sometimes out of the goodness of their own hearts too," replied Abby, lightly blowing over her work. She'd done an immaculate job. "Although usually there's the promise of a blow job in the works."

"You didn't say anything about that!" He looked very shocked and indignant.

"I didn't have to, you agreed with very little negotiation involved." When she saw his bottom lip tremble, the very bottom lip she'd painted a shimmering turquoise, she caved. "Okay, okay. You get a blow out of this! Happy?"

"Very!"

"But you'll have to earn it. I want you to take this seriously. I want total commitment from you. Understood?" He nodded his head vigorously.

"Right. I'm the arrogant rock star and you're my virgin groupie who's backstage for the first time. I seduce you and steal your innocence with a good hard fuck and lots of spanking like the callous cad I am." Abby smiled and Connor melted. He couldn't deny her anything. When she'd inquired as to whether or not he'd be into them doing a little role playing to spice up their sex life, he'd agreed without much thought. What he didn't bargain for was spending the next hour with her playing dress up with him like he was her own personal mannequin. Abby had a penchant for glam rockers it seemed. She loved the likes of David Bowie, Marc Bolan, Iggy Pop and Bryan Ferry. He'd been _very_ skeptical when she'd presented him with the shiny gold leather trousers, but he was willing to give it a go if it made her happy. She'd bought them from a thrift shop for a costume party one Halloween, but they were too big for her to wear so they'd lay dormant in her closet until now. Fortunately his waist and hips were slender, but the trousers were still so tight on him that he had to forgo underwear to get them zipped up. That he had to do very very carefully. They hung so low on his hips he didn't dare crouch or bend over. They also left nothing to the imagination. His _equipment_ was on full display under the tight leather. He evidently dressed to the left in circumstances like these and Abby was practically salivating at the sight of his cock and balls clearly outlined. He wore no shirt and she'd covered his chest in shimmering golden body dust. Fortunately years of chasing prehistoric creatures had given him a very well defined torso and a nice hard abdomen, so he didn't mind so much. He hadn't any footwear that was glam enough to go along, but his black combat boots worked reasonably well.

Abby had draped various chains from her jewelry box around his neck, which looked great in contrast to his usual golden ring on a leather strap. She put chunky metal rings on his fingers. Then she'd worked on his hair, twisting it into spikes with her hair gel, styling and modeling him until he looked the part. She'd then applied golden glitter to the spikes. He felt like an awards statue covered in so much gold. Next came his make up. His lips were shimmering turquoise, his eyelids a bright fuscia and his eyes framed in black eyeliner with mascara on his lashes. She'd done a few more flourishes on his face, making him up like something reminiscent of David Bowie on the cover of "Aladdin Sane". The final touch was his purple fingernails. Abby stepped back and surveyed her work, very pleased with herself.

"You look gorgeous Connor. I'm really going to enjoy this. Now, I want lots of dirty talk too! Call me all sorts of nasty names."

"You really get into this sort of thing don't you?"

"I'm just broadening your horizons, Conn."

"Trust me Abby, since the day we got together my horizons are broader than the Sahara Desert. Go get your own outfit on. I want virgin white on you, head to toe! Make sure you wear a pair of knickers you don't care about... cause I'm gonna rip 'em off you!" Abby shivered with arousal at the thought before dashing off to change out of her jeans and tshirt. Just then, much to Connor's horror, their respective handheld anomaly detection devices went off. "NO! It's our day off!"

"It'll be alright. They'll only call if it's an emergency. Becker and his soldiers will scope it out first before calling us in." Connor let out a sigh of relief. However, a few moments later their cell phones started ringing. Abby got to hers first. "Hello? There's reports already? Yes... really? Seriously? That many! We'll need lots of tranquilizers. Oh no! At the Youth Center! We'll be there straight away!" Abby hung up the phone and grabbed her keys. "Come on, we have to hurry. A tribe of Neanderthal men have come through an anomaly at the Youth Center. It's chaos!"

"Abby I can't go out looking like this!" He gestured to his golden self, absolutely horrified at being seen in public as he was.

"Connor! They're attacking children!" Connor huffed out a breath and made for the door.

"Fine!"

This was never going to be anything other than an exercise in maximum humiliation Connor realized as Abby pulled the car into the Youth Center's parking lot. The place was already crawling with young children and their parents, as well as dozens of teenagers, program advisors, councilors, educators and bystanders. There were several ARC vehicles present. There were also at least fifty hulking great big, shaggy, club carrying Neanderthal men complete with giant foreheads, bad teeth and ten layers of dirt and mud on their bodies an matted in their hair. They looked extremely dangerous and angry, as evidenced by them smashing everything in sight. Becker and Danny were there, and along with the soldiers were attempting to tranquilize as many cavemen as they could. There were so many of them and so few soldiers that things were getting desperately out of hand and fast.

Abby and Connor bolted from the car and rushed to the scene just as Danny and Becker fell back to reload with ammunition. The couple rushed up to the back of the ARC vehicle to arm themselves along with Danny and Becker. The other two men stopped dead in their tracks and their jaws dropped at the sight of Connor trussed up like a gold-dipped Russell Brand. Connor clenched his jaw glared at them.

"Um..." Danny stammered. "Er... uh..." He was almost too bewildered to say anything but managed. "So, that's what you do on your day off, huh?"

"If you know what's good for you, you'll not say anything," warned Connor. "I can hack into your private records and make your life a living hell!" Becker couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing with a snort. "And you! Not a word! Not a single bloody word or I'm telling everyone of your soldiers that your first name is Hilary!"

Becker contemplated the consequences for a moment before taking up his comlink and broadcasting to his men. "This is Captain Becker, be advised that my first name is Hilary, after my grandfather who fought in the second world war and received the Victoria Cross for his valiant efforts on D-Day. After the war he joined MI5 and saved our country from the Russians during the Cold War. Also, get a load of Temple."

"We can see him, sir. We are amused. Please advise, Captain, we have the anomaly site located, it's in the gymnasium," voiced one of the men, possibly Lt. Jenkins, over the crackle of the comlink.

"Reinforcements are en route. Continue to take down the Neanderthals with tranquilizers, continue to evacuate the civilians. We'll be with you presently." With the four of them armed with full rounds of tranquilizers, they were ready to leap into the fray. As soon as Connor rounded the corner and ran headlong on to the front lawn of the Youth Center he found himself standing face to face with at least ten Neanderthals. He stumbled back and quickly raised his tranq gun with shaking hands. He never took his first shot. Connor wasn't sure who was more afraid of who. The Neanderthals lowered their weapons and stared at the slender young man, shining golden in the sunlight. At first they were curious, then they seemed to recoil in terror, barking and shouting at each other as they retreated towards the majority of their tribe. With the alarm raised, the others cavemen came running to see what their new quarry would be, only to be both mesmerized and and horrified by the sight of Connor. The action around the ARC team died down as each prehistoric man became enraptured by Connor. Soon enough he was surrounded by them all. Every motion he made fascinated them. He started to back up towards where Abby stood with Becker and Danny, who were equally as fascinated, only with the behavior of the Neanderthals instead of Connor.

"What they doin'?" asked Danny.

"It would appear they think Connor is some sort of unnatural being, perhaps a God of some sort," replied Becker. "They would certainly had never seen anything like this in their time."

As the Neanderthals crept closer to him, Connor started to panic. He held his arms up to start pushing them back if they got too close and the large rings on his fingers reflected the sun into the eyes of the cavemen, who immediately backed away. Like a cat watching an insect the fifty plus Neanderthals watched intently at every motion Connor made, their eyes following him everywhere. He made a hasty retreat and they followed cautiously. He climbed a top a park bench and towered over them. After a while they sat themselves down on the grass, seemingly content to merely watch Connor as he gleamed and glittered in the sunlight. More soldiers arrived from the ARC and joining with their comrades, they evacuated the last of the civilians whilst the cavemen were distracted. They secured and quarantined the area, leaving Becker, Danny, Abby and Sarah now that she'd arrived, to mind after the Neanderthals. It was almost comical the way the prehistoric men observed Connor, utterly fascinated by him.

"Uh, guys? What am I supposed to do?" Connor bellowed, now completely surrounded by his disciples.

"Hey, Threepio, tell them if they don't do as you wish, you'll become angry and use your magic!" shouted Danny, trying desperately to surpress his laughter.

"Oh fuck off!" Connor snapped.

"Just keep them interested! We'll think of something." yelled Becker. "Maybe dance for them?"

"I'm not bloody _dancing_ for them! Hurry up! Start tranquilizing them! I don't care, just get on with it!"

While keeping a close eye on Connor, Danny pulled the others into a huddle.

"I'm open to suggestions," said Danny. "I'm not sure he'll be able hold their attention for long, pretty as he his."

"If we try and tranquilize them, it'll erupt in chaos again," said Becker. "We could gas them, force them to retreat back through the anomaly."

"Abby, Connor doesn't happen to play an instrument, does he?" asked Sarah.

"He sorta plays guitar. I mean, I think he does. He's got an acoustic at the flat. Sometimes it's out when I come home, but I've never heard him," explained Abby. "What, have you got in mind?"

"The Pied Piper! Look, I don't know much about prehistoric man, but human beings are hard wired to enjoy music and just because these guys haven't heard any, doesn't mean they won't respond to it. He's already looking the part..."

"Sarah! That's genius. He can lead them back through the anomaly," interjected Danny. "Now all we have to do is find a guitar!"

"The Youth Center has a music room," provided Abby. Becker immediately got on the comlink and sent a message to his men to locate the music room and find an acoustic guitar. Five minutes later, Becker was climbing the large oak tree with a six string on his back. He straddled the thickest outreaching branch and inched his way out over the sea of Neanderthals to where Connor was trapped in the center, still standing on the bench.

When the acoustic guitar with the turquoise and black starburst pattern on it appeared from above and bumped him on the head, Connor was confused. He looked up and saw Becker and was even more perplexed. He took the guitar and the Neanderthals rumbled with confusion, bordering on aggression.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" asked Connor.

"Play for them!" replied Becker. "Get them to follow you!"

"What am I? The bloody Pied Piper!"

"Exactly!"

"I only know one song!"

"Abby said you knew how to play!"

"I took lessons, but I never practiced! I only remember the first song I was taught!"

"Doesn't matter, Temple, just play and when the opportunity presents itself lead them back to the anomaly. We'll cover you!" Connor glared at Becker, then back over to where Danny, Sarah and Abby were standing, looking hopeful. He looked up at the sky and mumbled a curse before strapping on the guitar. He looked out at his captive audience before starting up his song. He began awkwardly. The Neanderthals made sounds of protest and at first the cavemen were loud and bewildered, but by the third movement they were utterly captivated.

"Margaritaville?" questioned Danny. Abby pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. Becker descended from the trees and joined the others to watch the show. "He doesn't sing, does he?"

"God, I hope not," said Abby. This was beyond embarrassing for Connor. She felt terrible.

"He's pretty good, actually," said Sarah. "I bet he'd be great if he practiced and expanded his repertoire. Nice arse too." The three of them turned their heads to look at her. Sarah shrugged. "Well, he does. You think so, don't you Abby? He's your boyfriend afterall."

"Yes, of course I do. Actually, it is really nice isn't it? Firm."

"The rest of him too. I never noticed before but he's well fit. Very tight and well muscled."

"He's been working on it. His stamina is amazing now."

"Oh really?"

"It's actually exhausting sometimes, I swear."

"Must be nice though."

"Oh, I'm not complaining, trust me. And he's creative, I never know what to expect."

"So, do you..."

"Every. Single. Time. God, it's amazing." Connor turned to look at them giving them an urgent look, and giving Sarah a first glance at...

"Wow. Abby! I had no idea he was so... so..."

"I'll say it, it's big. You should see it when..."

"Uh, ladies," Danny interrupted. "You do realize we're standing right here and that Becker's got an open comlink. Don't you?" Abby and Sarah shared a glance and a smile, promising to continue their conversation later. "Connor! See you they'll follow you now. Keep playing!" Danny shouted to Connor. Connor nodded and cautiously descended from the bench. He started to make his way through them, continuing to play. The sea of Neanderthals parted and he walked through. Sure enough, they began to follow him as he made his way back into the Youth Center, dragging their unconscious tribe members with them. Connor positioned himself in front of the shimmering anomaly, which reflected off his golden body and amplified his presence into something truly godly, or at least something out of a 80s hair band's laser laden show. Abby, Sarah, Danny and Becker and several soldiers followed behind.

Abby couldn't deny that despite the ridiculous situation they found themselves in, Connor looked gorgeous highlighted by the anomaly, like a real rock star, and completely fuckable. One by one the Neanderthals returned to their own time and aside from the last one trying to drag Connor with them before the anomaly closed and Becker having to step in to intervene, the situation concluded itself with a whisper rather than the roar it had begun with. As they exited the Youth Center, it was evident that Connor's humiliation was far from over. The entire company of soldiers were humming the chorus to David Bowie's "Velvet Goldmine" as he took his walk of shame back to Abby's car.

"I'm _never_ going to live this down!" complained Connor as they entered their flat.

"I'm sorry, Conn, truly. I promise I'll make it up to you," said Abby.

"How, Abby? How? Danny and Becker will never let me forget this. I saw some of the soldiers snapping pictures with their phones!"

"Wait right here, don't do anything!" Connor watched in confusion as Abby darted towards their bedroom and emerged in a few short minutes wearing nothing but a tiny pair of knickers, a delicate white satin nightie with a plunging neck and spaghetti straps. It barely covered her bottom. On her feet were a pair of candy red four inch stiletto heeled pumps. She stood before him and he quickly forgot about the Neanderthals. "I love your music!" she exclaimed. "My friends bought me tickets to your concert for my birthday! This is my first one. I never thought in a million years that I'd get to come back stage and meet you! You're amazing... but you have such a bad reputation."

"Abby what's..." She gave him a stern look.

"_I said_. This is my first concert. I've never been backstage before. And I'm also a virgin." The penny dropped.

"Oh! Oh! Um...well, you're very pretty," replied Connor, advancing on the lovely young groupie before him. "What's a nice girl like you doing dressed like a a... um... Abby I can't do this... I can't _act_." Abby sighed. She thought for a moment, then took charge.

"Connor, I'll make you a deal. You do this for me and I'll do something a extra for you."

"Extra? Like what?" She leaned in close and whispered in his ear. His eyes went as wide as a full moon.

The next morning Connor and Abby walked into the ARC and although they looked a little tired, they both had smiles on their faces. Becker and Danny were waiting for them, ready to unleash a torrent of good natured ridicule. Connor smiled when he saw them and nodded in their direction. As he passed he began whistling to the tune of "Margaritaville".

"Why's he so chipper? I thought we'd get at least a month's mileage out of yesterday!" Danny groused. Sarah stood in the doorway of her office observing the scene. Connor smiled at her too as he walked by and something in the smile made the archaeologist blush. She definitely be having some girl talk with Abby later.

"Give it up. You'll never crack him," said Abby as she walked passed them, following after Connor down the hallway towards her lab. She stopped and turned towards Sarah, leaning in close to whisper in Sarah's ear.

"Oh. My. God! Abby!" exclaimed Sarah, her cheeks turning bright red. Abby smirked and continued on. Once she was out of sight, Danny and Becker closed in on Sarah.

"Alright, confess!" implored Danny.

"Abby told you something!" stated Becker.

"She's right, you'll never crack him! _Never_. Not after what she let him do her last night."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say, he got _creative_ and leave it at that. Excuse me, I need a cold glass of water." She made a hasty exit, leaving the two men confused and bewildered.

"Clearly she's referring to some sort of sexual congress," stated Becker.

"Thank you, Sherlock. I never would've got it otherwise." There was a crash heard by way of Abby's enclosed laboratory and they quickly followed the sound and upon trying the door to the lab found that it was locked. The small window was also completely fogged up. After a few strange animalistic noises coming from the other side of the door were heard, Danny and Becker exchanged a look before clearing their throats and starting to walk away. "Right, I'm uh... just gonna go write up my report for Lester."

"Capital plan. I have a few drills to run with my men... I mean, er, tactical navigations."

"Good... you do that..." There was another crash, a loud moan and then a shriek. As they made their way down to the ARC's main hub they were intercepted by Lester calling them into his office where a less flushed Sarah waited.

"What's the trouble?" inquired Danny.

"Quinn, I'm sending you, Dr. Page and Captain Becker to France today. We have a situation that needs to be neutralized immediately," explained Lester.

"Situation, sir?" asked Becker. "An anomaly?"

"If only! That would be simple. The French branch of Interpol as spoken with our government and we've been given clearance. In light of what occurred yesterday, we must stop this before it gets out to the public at large!"

"What's happened then?" asked Danny.

"There's been a discovery in France," explained Sarah, turning around Lester's computer monitor to show the evidence. "Another cave similar to the ones in Lascaux have been discovered by some tourists. Most of the local media think it's a hoax, but inquiries are coming in from all over the globe. Now, research dictates that the Neanderthals were too primitive to paint the inside of caves, but as you can see for yourselves..." There, on the walls of a cave, clear as the light of day, was a figure painted in yellows and golds standing twice as tall as the myriad of smaller stockier figures in positions of worship. The Golden God was holding a guitar.

The End

**Hope you enjoyed this! I'm going to do some 'romantic' fluff next instead of the more comedic such as this one. After that, we'll just have to wait and see what the muse comes up with!**

**How could I resist (it was the first song I learned on guitar too):**

**Lastly, I'm totally whumping because I was bitten by a spider and until I got some antibiotics in me yesterday my forearm was a hot mess. You could actually feel heat coming off it from inches above. It was pretty intense... so, y'know if anyone wants to whump on Connor and give him a massive spider bite so Abby can TLC him, feel free. Yes, that was a shameless plea for free feel better fic. **

Oh! Also, you MUST MUST read Chibi-Kaz's fic "Climatology". It's AMAZING! I can't recommend it high enough. It's in my fave fics.


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